NOVEMBER 9, 2005

my due date

today -- 6 years ago that is -- was my due date. november 9th, 1999.

you just can't imagine your life, that's all. you can't imagine what it will be like, what will happen, where you will live, and why.

I spent so much of my life imagining being a mother, but it just doesn't hold a candle.

today -- I am completely obsessed (and a bit manic maybe?) about getting my daughter a kitty for her birthday which is in a matter of days.

I get up and furiously write and print my curriculums today (two drama clubs in a row pant pant!) and get everyone dressed and brushed and fed for school.

after we drop off my daughter, me and my son gallavant around our village looking for a prospective feline candidate... pet stores, humane societies, vets ensue. I fall in love several times but return home empty handed except for a sleeping 2yo.

for an hour, I respond to emails regarding the current project I'm working on and proceed to goof off, only a little bit (!) before I'm off to the land of drama club world. I've got kindergarten and 1-3rd grade today. What's more, I've got my son... there's no one to watch him today. He's never been to drama club before but I figure what the hell. I'm super mom right. I can do this.

it's really hard though! He's just woken up and a little freaked out by all the drama-energy! He needs me to hold him, so I do. Everyone else thinks it's cute. For me though, he's really in the way. He needs to be in my lap, in the way of others trying to see the illustrations in the books I'm reading, throwing his fishy crackers around the room for attention, and staging a major tantrum in the hall because I won't carry him down the stairs in his stroller (yeah right!).

finally, the principal sees us and helps me out, she rocks, and I get everyone out into the car, after my 2 yr old screams at me repeatedly about something I have no clue about. We go home. I have exactly 45 minutes to get my 5 yo dressed and fed and ready for dancing. She can't go upstairs by herself, it's too scary. Good thing she is hungry, she eats her entire bowl of beans and rice. And a cup of milk too!

We all get to dancing -- on time -- and it is getting very cold out now. We meet my husband at the store, he's limping! He's hurt because at work today they tore marble out of the walls and threw it away. He literally uses my cart to help him walk through the store. See, I'm angry about this. Not AT him but angry at this situation. After a really grueling few days, I am really looking forward to seeing this guy, and he's miserable and limping and really in bad shape. I am going to finish out this night without him. I buy lots of supplies for the impending birthday party. I haul all of it into the house and put it away.

send the husband up with a glass of wine for a hot bath. Make an extremely heavy and layered lasagna to eat all week. Put "Annie" on for the kids, make popcorn, clean up shredded cheese in the tv room (how did that get in there??) clean up the kitchen as best as I can... holy smokes. Have a glass of wine myself.

so that's a lot for someone who preaches to not micro manage your child's time:
school
drama club
dancing
store

I do feel sort of badly because it is a really hard day for her. My 6 yr old. My amazing and clever daughter. My 9.1oz sweet little bundle of happiness. My oldest, my girl, my sweetie!

The lasagna is really tasty. I'll be sick of it by saturday.